Must Love Dogs

I do not love dogs. In fact, I harbor a serious dislike of them. I don't know why -- I assume I had some bad experience when I was four that I'm hard at work suppressing -- but I've always been strongly anti-dog.

Now, many of you out there are pro-dog. Some of you even own one. Which is fine. I can usually tolerate a dog for awhile, though I prefer if you keep it outside or in a different room when I'm around. Just don't tell me this:

"Oh, but he's so friendly!"

Or any variation thereof.

Dogs, to my knowledge, express friendliness by jumping, pawing, and licking at you. To those of us already suspicious of your pet, it is not a perk when you tell us that she enjoys pressing her fang-filled mouth, or any other part of its predatory, wolf-descended body, close to my person. That is precisely what we are trying to avoid.

Thank you for your consideration.