Research Assistance

A new study indicates that 90% of U.S. bills carry on them traces of cocaine. $1 bills are less likely than other denominations to be contaminated, leading the head researcher to make this observation:

"Probably $1 is a little too less to purchase cocaine," [U-Mass Dartmouth Prof. Yuegang] Zuo said "I don't know exactly [why]. It's an educated guess."

Not that ... I ... would know anything about that. I'm just guessing. Who knows why? Who says I'm paranoid!?!