On Being an Intellectual Submissive

I had an interesting experience the other day.

My wife likes to remark that, for someone as terminally online as I am, I don't know much about the standard pop-online memes and stories. I'm not very up on pop culture (I barely know who the Kardashians are, let alone what they're famous for). And while I'm aware of all internet traditions from a very specific corner of the internet, by and large I'm isolated from what the Kids (or even Adults) These Days are talking about.

As a fun game, my wife found a list of the top 50 "internet moments" of 2023 and went through them one by one to see how many I (and she) had heard of. She knew most of them. I knew maybe a quarter. And  when I didn't know, she'd gleefully try to explain some insane story about Jorts the Cat while I stared in incredulous ignorance.

Here's the thing: I loved this. Indeed, it was an experience that kind of made me "get" the phenomenon of high-powered corporate executives who are submissives.

The way that phenomenon is always described is that such persons are constantly asked to be authoritative, be in charge, make the decision, be the boss -- and so it's just freeing to let someone else take charge and be completely and utterly at the mercy of another.

The life of a high-powered corporate executive is not at all how I'd characterize my life. But what is true is that in my job (and my day-to-day persona), I'm expected to know things. I'm smart, I'm informed, I'm aware -- that's a huge part of who I (normally) am. And I've internalized this. For example, one of my emotional triggers is when I feel like I've made a specifically dumb mistake, or I can't figure out how to do something seemingly obvious. It fills me with shame way out of proportion to the actual "offense." I have an expectation (both internally and externally-imposed) that I am chock full of relevant knowledge at all times.

Given all that, I think I really enjoyed the experience of being in a situation where I did not and was not expected to know anything. Where I could sit back in doe-eyed ignorance and just be taught by someone else, with no expectation that I'd necessarily absorb, synthesize, or regurgitate the information. When it comes to popular internet memes, it's absolutely okay that I know nothing and that I sit in the recipient-learner position! That felt so freeing -- I loved it.

Anybody relate to this? I wonder if it's just a me thing or if any other academic sorts have had similar experiences.