Monday, October 09, 2006

Midget Insurgents and Other Tales

Via Kevin Drum, Time Magazine printed a letter from a Marine officer stationed in Iraq, kind of a High School year book "best..." "most..." "coolest..." "worst..." type of thing. There's plenty of depressing news in it, I'll spare you the details. Instead, I'll just pick out the funniest stories.
Most Surreal Moment -- Watching Marines arrive at my detention facility and unload a truck load of flex-cuffed midgets. 26 to be exact. We had put the word out earlier in the day to the Marines in Fallujah that we were looking for Bad Guy X, who was described as a midget. Little did I know that Fallujah was home to a small community of midgets, who banded together for support since they were considered as social outcasts. The Marines were anxious to get back to the midget colony to bring in the rest of the midget suspects, but I called off the search, figuring Bad Guy X was long gone on his short legs after seeing his companions rounded up by the giant infidels.
Coolest Insurgent Act -- Stealing almost $7 million from the main bank in Ramadi in broad daylight, then, upon exiting, waving to the Marines in the combat outpost right next to the bank, who had no clue of what was going on. The Marines waved back. Too cool.
Best Chuck Norris Moment -- 13 May. Bad Guys arrived at the government center in a small town to kidnap the mayor, since they have a problem with any form of government that does not include regular beheadings and women wearing burqahs. There were seven of them. As they brought the mayor out to put him in a pick-up truck to take him off to be beheaded (on video, as usual), one of the Bad Guys put down his machinegun so that he could tie the mayor's hands. The mayor took the opportunity to pick up the machinegun and drill five of the Bad Guys. The other two ran away. One of the dead Bad Guys was on our top twenty wanted list. Like they say, you can't fight City Hall.

Oh, by the way, the Marine has been IDed. He's Col. Pete Devlin, Chief of Intelligence for the Marine Corps, and the author of the report claiming that we have lost the Anbar province. Interesting.

1 comment:

Davebo said...

I'd like to know how Kevin confirmed his ID.