Pricing In Synagogue Attacks

I first heard of the attack on the Temple Israel Michigan synagogue from one of my students after my morning class. The attack has been variously described as a "shooting" or a "car-ramming" attack; from what I can tell the terrorist had a ton of explosives in his car that he was hoping to set off via crashing his vehicle into the synagogue building. He was shot dead by security, and thankfully he seems to be the only fatality.

It's been reported that the synagogue also runs a preschool that was in session at the time of the attack. I, of course, am also the parent of a baby who currently attends preschool/daycare at his synagogue, under a set up that is very similar to that of Temple Israel. We also have security posted outside the building on a daily basis; we also have a gate set up one needs to "swipe" into (twice!) in order to access the interior of the building. 

It is very, very easy to imagine that our synagogue and our preschool could have been the target of this attack. In fact, the other day I was idly imagining (in the way parents do) just such an attack on my synagogue, in circumstances where Nathaniel was present. And what was striking to me about my thought process -- both in the imaginative space, yesterday, and in responding to the very real attack in Michigan, today -- was how numb I felt to it. It should feel terrifying. I should be terrified. But my reaction was alarmingly muted, as if I've just "priced in" the possibility of attacks like this. This is what it means to live as a Jew.

I don't know. I can't say I mourn not feeling overwhelmed by crippling anxiety and fear. But also, what does it say about me that I'm past feeling anxious and fearful? And this isn't, to be clear, a sound assessment of actuarial risk -- that would give me too much credit. It's something more quiescent -- an atrophication of any sense that security and safety is something I could ever expect to have for me and my family. That feeling -- or lack thereof -- well, I don't think it's a good thing.