You Got Meta In My Google!

I have a confession to make.

I enjoy googling myself. Okay? I admit it.

And as embarrassing as that admission is, I'm also going to really out myself as elderly and plea for help in using google.

So lately, when I google myself -- "David Schraub", in quotes, limited to hits from the last week or month -- a lot of the recent hits are from Facebook and, less often, Instagram. The little snippet you get from Google suggests that it's someone (a poster? a commenter?) talking about something I've written. But if I click the link -- nothing! The comment isn't there. I'm nowhere to be found on the page! The page and the Google snippet result seem to have nothing to do with one another. What gives?

Now, to some extent, the question of "is Google screwing up Meta or is Meta screwing up Google" feels like a por que no los dos? situation. But nonetheless, I am confused about what is going on, and what these search results purport to be. Does anyone know?

(And more broadly: does anyone know how to search for anything on Instagram? I only use it for art related things, but I confess I don't understand the app at all).

HUD

Technology often does cool things. But it is particularly exciting when technology makes real a classic sci-fi trope. And while we're still waiting on flying cars, Google may be bringing us glasses fit with a heads-up display, able to stream information about one's surroundings in real-time.

Yes, it'd actually probably be really weird, and yes, there are serious privacy implications if people are wandering around with hidden, constantly-recording cameras built into to their eyeware. But come on! A heads-up display! Just like everyone has dreamed of since they played Halo (or Goldeneye, or Doom ... age yourself appropriately)! If it doesn't give me the option to have a red box bracket my conversation partner with "target acquired", I'll be sad.

I've Lost Top Billing

But it was time, and this was important.

For a long, long time, this was the top post if you searched "fuck you google". It was a response to Google Maps pinpointing a location in Virginia when you searched "Maryland" (they've fixed the problem).

This post, about Google's new "Buzz" product, at Fugitivus is also titled "Fuck you, Google". Now I found Buzz a mix of perplexing and annoying, so I pretty quickly turned it off. But what was a minor aggravation for me, was a serious threat to her, as it essentially involuntarily passed on private (or semi-private) data towards people that the author might not have wanted to see it. Like her abusive ex-husband. Or her abusive ex-husband's friends. Or creepy blog-stalkers. To be sure, Google has now taken steps to mitigate the damage, but not all of the harm can be put back in the box.

Her post is now tops on the "fuck you google" search. And quite deserved. For as incensed as I may get over disrespect towards my home state, being reckless with the lives of one's customers is clearly a leap and bound beyond that. Privacy on the internet is nothing to be trifled with -- you don't know why someone chooses to hide or reveal what they do. Google wasn't thinking, and while I'd like to say they paid the price, they really didn't. Some of their most vulnerable customers did.

Saving Grace

It unnerves me slightly that this post continues to have a quite active comment thread (perhaps because it is the number one hit for "fuck you google". But at least I won a new fan:

LOL I WAS PISSED OF COZ I CULDNT FIND GOOGLE EARTH 4 FREE COZ I WANTED 2 C A SKY VIEW OF COMPTON AND I COULDNT FIND IT SO I TYPED IN FUCK U GOOGLE EARTH SUK MY DIK AND THIS SHIT CAME UP THIS IS FUKEN AWESUM WHOS NEEDS DRUGS WEN U CAN READ OTHER PEOPLE BAGGING GOOGLE... AND TO THE DUMB FUK WHO TOLD EVERY 1 TO GET OFF THE A ASSES AND GO HELP PEOPLE... THIS 1Z 4 U.... U STUPID FUK U TYPED IN FUCK U GOOGLE THATS HOW U GOT THIS PAGE HERES THE NUMBER TO A PHSYCHIATRIST GO GET SUM HELP I TOOK ADVISE NOW TAKE MINE.... SAY FAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK GGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! THATS RIGHT I SAID IT FUCK GOOGLE SORRY U HAD TO READ ALL THAT JUST TO READ ME SAY FUCK GOOGLE... LOL AND I SUPPORT ANONYMYS SAID LOL SPECIALLY WEN HE SAID FUK DAVE LOL U GUYS ROCK!!!!! FUK GOOGLE LOL OK BYE...
OH FUK IT 1 MORE 4 THE ROAD FUK GOOGLE LOL NA BUT HONESTLY FUK U GOOGLE THE ONLY THING UR GOOD 4 IS THIS BLOG LOL BUT SERIOUSLY FUCK GOOGLE. OK BYE...

Aww. It's the readership that makes it all worthwhile.

All Praise Google!

Perhaps the most active comment thread on this entire site is my post from last May entitled: Fuck You Google. Seriously. A bad sign for this blog, but possibly a good one for Google that little ol' Debate Link comes up so high on the search for "Fuck you google".

Anyway. Google's offense? If you typed in "Maryland" on Google maps, the pinpoint it gave you was in ... Virginia. Oooh, that's low. But I'm pleased to report that they seem to have rectified the problem. Now, if you type in "Maryland", the pinpoint is a little southeast of a town called Millersville, a little ways outside Annapolis. So, a part of Maryland where no one actually lives, but Maryland nonetheless.

Google Says No to Prop. 8

The Google corporation has announced its opposition to California's proposition 8, which would eliminate the right of gay and lesbian couples to marry. As Google itself notes, this is an unlikely position for the company to take, as companies who have employees and customers with diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and political orientations rarely take positions on charged issues that don't directly relate to their business model. Indeed, many companies will sacrifice even the noblest of principles if their profit margins are at stake. But in this case, at least, Google has stood up and done the right thing, and we should salute them for it.

In the meantime, I'm waiting for the inevitable call by the American Family Association for a boycott of Google, which presumably will result in one of two things:

1) Shares of Altavista soaring.

or

2) The development of new search engine, "Conservagoogle", which will counteract the well-known liberal bias in Google's search algorithms. Search now, and each of your first ten hits guaranteed to reference Jesus at least three times!

Look at Me Still Talking When There's BrowsingTo Do!

Am I the only one who thinks that Google's new web-browser logo has some uncomfortable overtones?

Google "Chrome":



GLaDOS:



343 Guilty Spark:



Not good for a company that's trying to dispel the idea that they're looking to take over the world.

Fuck You Google. Seriously

I typed in "map of Maryland" into Google, and obviously the first hit is for the Google Maps link. So I clicked on it, and this is what came up (click to enlarge):



It's hard to tell, but the arrow is pointing a little southwest of Annandale. Annandale , Virginia.

I zoomed in, and yep. Definitely Virginia.

Oh, Hell no.

UPDATE: Hey wow -- this is on the first page of results for "fuck google" on Google. Neat.

UPDATE #2: I should note that Google has fixed the problem. Hurray!

They've Already Won...

Headline on CNN.com: "Paranoia grows over Google's power."

Sure. It's just "paranoia." Don't be afraid. The Google corps is your friend. Trust the corps.