Last year, as I approached forty years old, I mused about one of the things I missed most about being a kid -- enthusiasm. Not having it, but people being responsive to it. Everybody loves when a kid is excited about something, and they'll often go out of their way to indulge in that excitement. The kid who loves flying gets a tour of a cockpit; the kid who loves cooking might get some tips from a chef. Adults don't get that. That's not wrong -- it's wholly understandable why not -- but it is something I miss.
The other day, I was reflecting on a corollary to that thought, which is as an adult, people don't typically care if you're disappointed. For example, I think the Supreme Court is doing a lousy job. Worse than that: I'm heartbroken at how they have, in my view, being downright cruel and capricious, wrecking lives in pursuit of a narrow partisan agenda. I also know that John Roberts does not care that I think that. Even if I were in a position to confront him (and I swear I was thinking about this before the NYT posted that article about John Roberts getting protested at his vacation island), he wouldn't really care. He'd think I was a schmuck. By contrast, if a child expressed disappointment, or fear, or grief -- "you made my friend's mom disappear" -- I think that would cut different. I'm not saying his heart would grow three sizes that day, but knowing that a kid sees him as their monster-under-the-bed would I bet affect him in a materially different way than knowing that I see him that way.
One of the shortfalls of modern democracy is that, even when we have (deservedly) big feelings about things, it is very hard to feel heard. We feel like we're screaming "this is hurting me", and it's impossible to get anyone to care. In the legal space, I'm more qualified and connected than 99% of Americans, and it's still impossible for me to imagine that my opinions could ever influence anyone with influence one whit. That's incredibly draining. It's also, again, largely unavoidable. This a problem that's been addressed by everyone from federalism enthusiasts to Michael Sandel's "Democracy's Discontent". But it's hard not to miss the sense that people care when you hurt.
1 comment:
Unfortunately, I think we live in an age of weaponized empathy, and its counterpart, weaponized schadenfreude. And you sit at the unfortunate nexus where you get all the schadenfreude and none of the empathy. You’re a “liberal elite,” so MAGA probably resents you more than any other category. And, equally, the loud left also resents you more than any other category.
You’re cosmopolitan, highly educated, and Jewish, so you’re the opposite of a “real American” in MAGA’s eyes. You’re also not Black or brown or poor or blue-collar or LGBTQ, so you get none of the cultural cache from the leftists.
You’re critical of Israel’s government and have empathy for the plight of Palestinians, so you’re an enemy and a “kapo” to a certain subset, so any antisemitism you experience ipso facto doesn’t count. You’re also, broadly speaking, a Zionist, so you’re a white colonizer responsible for Palestinian genocide, to the other loud half of the electorate.
You are, in short, kinda screwed.
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