Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Defending a Racist: The Drinking Game

You ever had a conversation with someone hell-bent on defending a racist (him/herself or someone else)? There are some predictable moves they'll make -- and by "predictable" I mean "virtually all of these conversations could track my anti-discrimination syllabus class-for-class". So I figured, if I'm going to be driven to suicide by these idiots, I may as well go down via drinking game. But let's be clear -- actually playing this game? Will kill you. Nobody's tolerance is high enough.

That said -- here are the rules! Note that I'm using "Black" as my stand-in minority group, but you can substitute pretty freely (Jews, gays, Latinos -- try it, it's fun!). And feel free to add your own rules in the comments.

* * *

"I don't have a prejudiced bone in my body." (1 sip)

"I asked him and he said he wasn't racist." (2 sips. But if he says "let's ask him and see if he admits he's racist," replace alcohol with juice because he's too naive to be older than 11 and you're in for a long night)

"I think he's really brave to even ask these questions." (1 sip)

"Oh there you go, playing the 'race card'" (1 sip, 3 sips if you haven't actually called the person racist yet, 5 sips if you haven't even spoken yet)

"So I guess anytime someone criticizes a Black man, it's 'racist'?" (1 sip)

"CRITICIZING AFFIRMATIVE ACTION IS NOT RACIST." (1 sip, 3 sips if nobody's arguing that all such criticisms -- as opposed to this particular criticism -- are. Which is to say, 3 sips).

"I'm not saying I agree with everything he says, but he makes some astute points" (1 sip to start, 2 sips if he won't say which things he disagrees with, 3 sips if he won't say which parts he agrees with, and down the bottle if the "astute point" is "Blacks were better off enslaved"/"Jews do run the world"/"gays are basically an armada of child molesters")

"But I have Black friends/family!" (1 sip) "...and they agree with me!" (another sip)

"Not every Black person agrees with you!" (1 sip)

"You're the real racist...." (1 sip)
".... for thinking about race so much" (1 sip)
".... for even thinking race is a thing" (1 sip)
".... for holding yourself out as different. Why do you think you're better than the rest of us, huh?" (down the bottle)

"You're just afraid of hard truths. Stop being so PC!" (2 sips)

"I'm just asking questions okay? Stop being so defensive!" (1 sip) ".... do you have something to hide?" (another sip)

"Oh, so I need a lifetime of study before I opine about your group?" (2 sips, but down the bottle if it would have taken less than an hour of "study" to know what was said was idiotic).

"It is true! I know because ..."
"... I read it on the internet" (1 sip)
"... my Black friend said so." (1 sip)
"... well, everyone knows that it's true." (3 sips)
[multiply drinks x2 if what's "true" is a well-known urban legend/conspiracy theory; x3 if upon being informed of that the response is "sure, that's what the Mossad wants you to think."]


"Who made you the knowledge/PC police? What makes you so sure you know what you're talking about" (1 sip if you're a member of the group under attack, and/or 1 sip if you actually do have an academic or professional specialty in the topic under discussion).

"I'm not saying racism is okay, but I understand it given that Black people do [whatever]." (1 sip)

"I don't have a problem with Black people. I have a problem with ...." (1 sip, but brace yourself)
"... their music, clothing, and culture." (1 sip)
"... the 80% of them who disagree with me." (2 sips)
"... institutions populated primarily by Black people." (3 sips)
"... the uppity ones." (down the bottle)


Some more:

"All I'm saying is how about a White History Month for a change?" (1 sip -- thanks Bill)

"You see racists behind every bush." (1 sip, add another if they accuse you of it being a hobby)

"Louis Farrakhan exists. Therefore...." (1 sip)
".... until you condemn him to my satisfaction, shut up." (2 sips)
".... racism is totally justified." (2 sips)
".... anybody who talks about racism is Louis Farrakhan" (down the bottle)
[x2 if Farrakhan is replaced with Jesse Jackson, x3 if he's replaced with Kanye West]

"So I guess Black people are perfect in every way?" (2 sips)


Hal E. said...

*"It's not about race, it's about property rights" (1 sip)

*"I'm just trying to start a conversation, don't jump down my throat" (1 sip)

*"That joke isn't racist against black people--see, look, you can use "Latino" instead and it still works!" (3 sips)

*Post-game Special: "...maybe you're right, but why do you have to get so confrontational? Arguments never help anyone" (Call a cab).

And sadly--like, I suspect, all submissions--none of these are original.

Kristin said...

I don't have any new ones but the one that I hear the most from everyone is the, "No, no, I have LOTS of gay friends!" one.

Cheers for posting this because wow is it true.