Lock and Load, Brides of Christ!

Wal-Mart has put a group of Texas nuns on its "security threat" list. The nuns have been protesting Wal-Mart's human rights violation for some time, but they insist they are a strictly non-violent sect of nuns.

Color me skeptical. They may look innocent in their habits and bulky clothes, but nuns are notorious, vicious, soullessful killing machines when riled. Clearly, Wal-Mart is erring on the side of caution here.